Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: September 6, 2006
Twilight was your first book, and it was meant to be a stand-alone so I understand why it and its' grotesque growling sequels didn't live up to my expectations. Believe me, I've read worse.
It wasn't the plot, it was what you did with the plot that pisses me off. You had everything you needed to create an atomic bomb but you instead choose to give me flatulence.
Bella: selfish (why do people keep telling her otherwise?), uninteresting, whiny
Edward: Controlling, uninteresting, ridiculous, demanding and often-times cruel, confused and jealous; pretty face
Jacob: The semi-interesting character other than Emmett and Alice. The only marginally interesting character, aside from Alice and Emmett. Thanks to Mrs. Meyer (it's okay to make a character likeable, you know?) I'm going to go from liking him in book 2, to disliking him in book three and skipping his parts in book four.
It slowed, dragged, and was murdered during the relationship bonding between Bella and Edward.
Here's the summary from Goodreads:
"Isabella Swan's move to Forks, a small, perpetually rainy town in Washington, could have been the most boring move she ever made. But once she meets the mysterious and alluring Edward Cullen, Isabella's life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. Up until now, Edward has managed to keep his vampire identity a secret in the small community he lives in, but now nobody is safe, especially Isabella, the person Edward holds most dear. The lovers find themselves balanced precariously on the point of a knife-between desire and danger. Deeply romantic and extraordinarily suspenseful, Twilight captures the struggle between defying our instincts and satisfying our desires. This is a love story with bite."
Yes, it took a bite...out of my time and IQ. Here's my summary:
Girl meets Boy. Boy ignores Girl, is mean to her. Girl falls for Boy. Girl finds out Boy is a vampire. Boy is a Vampire. Boy glitters. Girl describes Boy's eyes and body in many words meaning the same thing. Boy and Girl are in love. Book is nearly ended when author realizes she needs a plot. Evil Vampire smells girl and wants to eat her. Boy devises a plan to save Girl that was pointless. Girl meets Evil Vampire willingly. Evil Vampire bites Girl. Boy's Vampire Family kills Evil Vampire. Boy sucks out venom. Girl wakes in hospital with broken leg. Boy takes girl to dance. Oh, Girl is clumsy...extremely so though Reader is only told by Girl that she is clumsy and does nothing clumsy to reinforce this fact unless it is to drag the story along. Girl also tells us she's not pretty, a curious fact since every male in the school wants to date Girl, evenTeacher.
My Review:I heard about Twilight before it became the mind-numbing depressant that it did. I actually passed it by on a shelf at my local library. I read the first paragraph of the first chapter, after reading the prologue, before I returned it. Then about a year or two later, the movie was released. I was sitting in class when a fellow classmate of mine entered the classroom with raccoon eyes. Turned out she had stayed up all night to watch and re-watch the midnight opening of the first movie. I heard about people lining up all night just to see the movie and I thought: "What is this infection sweeping the nation?" So I decided to read it to annoy my friend (she hated it), turns out the only one I annoyed was myself.
So, I ordered the book to see what all the hype was about. They sent it to me from the fourth book down to the first. That was funny in an annoying sort of way. I had high hopes for the series...only to have it crushed, sawed, tortured, stepped on, burned and drowned.
Now remember, I have only read Twilight so far and so have no opinion about New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. But if it follows in the steps of Twilight, I'm not sure I want to. EDIT: I eventually read all four books. Took me three to four hours. About two of those hours was spent trying to stay awake.
If you have seen all those quotes from the book "You are my life now" and "You are my heroin" that is because those are the only fascinating thing about the book. They had no other option but to use their limited sentences and the vampire love aspect to attract readers.
The story and the writing was so plebeian that I fell asleep after every two chapters and had to restrain myself from flipping to the last chapter. It was...dry. It had no substance what-so-ever and I cannot believe people skip school just to watch the movie. I could not get into the story and found Bella's monotonic monologue with herself repititious. The only highlight being when she has a conversation with Edward but that too gets tiresome since the subject was how it was dangerous for them to be together and how beautiful Bella thinks he is. How...(and I quote) "Perfect."
And if that isn't bad enough, we get to sit along for the ride and read about her insipid daily routine which includes: waking up; thinking about Edward; getting to school; looking around for Edward; sobbing about her life; getting glared at by Edward's family; talking about how "beautiful" Edward is; how bad she is at gym (literally every chapter); brooding about Edward; and to end her day, dreaming about Edward.
I sometimes found myself imagining different ways to shut her up, each ending violently. I did not know why I had to suffer for the fact that Edward could not read her mind.
Bella stayed a static character throughout the book. She had no character development. I would like to congratulate Meyer on her drab interpretation of what an highschool girl in this century would think like. But she did get her point across, Bella came out looking like a lovesick housewife. One of those girls that, sooner or later, get their Romeo & Juliet ending.
Most of the time though, I felt like I was being lectured, what with all the mentions of literary works like Pride & Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, and Macbeth amongst others.
The only redeeming quality of the book was that it was more tolerable than its movie counterpart. I liked Kristen Stewart (as an actor) until I saw her acting in this movie. She really did make the perfect Bella. Both of them have no character. I had to rely on the sound effects and music to make the tone of the movie because I did not get any emotions from the actors.
Now, you are probably wondering why I would put myself through all torture just to say (excuse my French) it sucks. Well, I like to actually know about the object of my dislike before I state my opinion unlike some semi-illterates out there.
I don't know how it is possible to ruin such an interesting subject such as the "forbidden love between a vampire and human" but Meyer sure managed it.
It says, at the back of the book, that Meyer has "always admired the ability of some authors to create situations of impossible fantasy, and then add characters that are so deeply human that their perspective make the situation believable." I think that in making Bella "so deeply human," she went overboard into mundane. She should have stuck with being just that--an admirer.
My advice: Mrs. Meyer, you might benefit from a ghost writer (or ten), if you are not already using one.
My Rating: Not my cup'a tea. The sad thing is that I would have liked this book better if not for Bella and Edward (the main reason for the book).